May 2nd – “Are you spreading yourself too thin? It’s time to take a cold, hard look at your resources, emotionally, financially and mentally.”

My tarot reader said that I need to take care of myself this month and she was right. April was not a good month for me and my health suffered as well. Mercury in retrograde really didn’t help! She said that I would feel fatigued in May, so I am heeding her advice.

I’m very tempted to agree to any fun shenanigans that come my way, but I know that if I don’t schedule my activities wisely, I’ll find myself drained. For now, I putting off making any future commitments until Thursday, when Mercury is no longer in retrograde. I’ve already have a June deadline coming up and May is the busiest month of the year at work. I don’t need more on my plate!

What I have been putting on my plate are a lot of vegetables for lunch. Yesterday had brussel sprouts and cauliflower. Today I had Chinese broccoli, regular broccoli, and carrots. It’s not very exciting, but it leaves room for more interesting food for the rest of the day.

When I got home, I had a slice of rhubarb pie with Greek yogurt.

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Rhubarb Pie

¾ cup maple sugar

3 cups chopped rhubarb stalks

1 1/2 cups chopped strawberries

2 tablespoon flour

2 tablespoon cornstarch

2 pie crusts

Directions

  1.  Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
  2.  Mix sugar, rhubarb, strawberries, flour and starch together.
  3.  Put into pie crust. Cover pie with second crust and seal edges. Cut holes to let steam  out. 
  4. Bake for at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, then at 350 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes.

Over rhubarb pie, I took a cold, hard look at my resources.

Financially and emotionally, I’m doing fine. Last month’s expenses and communication issues were abnormal, so I’m not worried about that.

The one thing I am lacking in is my mental capabilities. I’m not processing things as quickly as I used and need to work on improving my intellect. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I think I need to exercise my academic brain more. That means spending less time reading fluffy news articles that provide vague, inaccurate information about the world and reading more stuff written by experts in the field. 

April 28th – “Well, life’s messy, and at least a mess is interesting.”

Mercury in retrograde has been causing many things in my life to be messy. I don’t know if it’s true, but for now, I’m going to blame it for the poor luck I’ve been experiencing!

I broke 6 dishes, spent a lot of money, got bitten by ton of mosquitoes, failed on tried and true recipes, didn’t do much writing, and got jury duty. I’ve only received jury duty once before, so for me it’s very unlucky! My mind has been more scattered than usual, so overall, it hasn’t been a great month.

There is about a week left of Mercury in retrograde (May 3rd to be exact), so I’m going to give in to it. I’m not making any plans to do anything new. There’s no sense in fighting it. If things get messy, so be it. The only thing I can hope for is to get a good story. So far, there hasn’t been anything noteworthy to mention.

Oh, I forgot about this: I thought I was going to get mugged/assaulted last week. Nothing happened, but I was creeped out and it takes a lot to scare me. I grew up in the city and have walked some of the seediest streets in the bay area. Usually my fast walking speed and directness (I have no problem telling strangers, “I don’t want to talk to you”) deters people. This particular incident encouraged me to get the pepper spray because the guy was hanging out at my uncovered parking spot watching me, and trying to get in my way. I will be returning to that space regularly and don’t want to take my chances.

I should consider myself lucky. Recently, two of my friends had to deal with the police because of random people harassing them. Another one was riding the train and a stranger punched her in the face for no reason. It’s like all the freaks are coming out at the same time. Yes, I am very lucky.

Mercury in retrograde sucks.

What is good to do when Mercury is in retrograde is to take care of unfinished business and get rid of old stuff (both real and metaphoric). I’ve been chucking things into my donation pile. That’s the easy part. The hard part is finishing those chapters. At this point, I don’t mind working hard. It’s much safer to stay at home than to be out in the world!

April 18th – “Remind yourself that nobody is a mind reader. If you’re not getting what you want, maybe you just need to ask!”

Directness is one of the qualities that those who are close to me appreciate. It’s also the thing that’s gotten me in trouble with people, so I’ve been trying to keep a low profile. I want to stay focused on my work until the end of June. I don’t have energy to deal with the repercussions of my directness, so I’m doing the best I can to let things slide. That is proving to be much easier said than done.

Mercury has been in retrograde since April 9th. If you believe in such things, which I suspect you might if you’re reading this blog, it means that life may be a little harder to navigate. It’s generally not a good time to sign contracts, make decisions, start something new, etc. Basically, things will not turn out well! For fun, I checked the calendar in 2013. Mercury was in retrograde when I applied for and started at the Worst Job Ever. I should have known better!

My monthly horoscope cautions that, “Mercury is retrograde in Taurus and your partnership house until April 20th, which could muck up messages with your closest peeps. Be extra cautious about signing contracts or agreeing to any collaborations.

This period has proven to be difficult time for me. I tried to organize an event with my friend, but it fell apart. Just to be sure, I checked the email she sent and it was done on April 9th, the first day of Mercury in retrograde!

I have also had some poorly communicated and received messages with those closest to me. In one instance, my partner called me grumpy. I did not respond in the way that he wanted me to, so he assumed that I was in a bad mood. I wasn’t, but one second after he called me that, I flipped out and started yelling at him. I tried to explain to him (still yelling, of course) that he had just created a situation when there wasn’t one, but none of the words came out right. I sounded like a maniac.

This happened again with someone else a few days later. I didn’t fit into his/her reality and he/she came up with a label for me so that I could make sense in his/her world.  I didn’t want to sound like maniac, so I bit my tongue.

Being labelled for something I am NOT is something I cannot stand for. I HATE it. It’s right up there with others telling me how I feel and think.

Labels for people are offensive. That’s how stereotypes are created. If you take one aspect of person (whether it is true or not) and define them based on that characteristic, it creates a false fixed truth. In strips away any individual identity and puts people in boxes to be judged and categorized.

As much as I don’t like being a textbook psychoanalytic example, I think my highly emotional reactions are influenced by my childhood experiences. Among many other forms of torture, my family liked to call me “fat cow” when I wasn’t. I was one of the youngest kids in my family, so everyone thought that it was their job to tease me incessantly. It was like a 17 year hazing ritual and would have continued into adulthood had I not stopped participating in family activities.

I do not respond well when people say blatant lies about me. I don’t logically lay out the evidence that I have to disprove the lies. Instead, I have knee jerk reactions that can only escalate situations.  If I were in a Lifetime movie, I would be the main character who gets manipulated and driven insane by the real murderer. The last scene would fade away with a shot of me sitting in prison for a crime I didn’t commit while I am repeating to myself, “I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it…”

At the moment, I’m not getting what I want and I’m not going to ask for it. I agree that no one is a mind reader, but I don’t think it’s the right time to be forward. The horoscope says “maybe” I should ask. I’ll take that as a sign that I shouldn’t.

It’s a good thing that April 20th is just 2 days away because I don’t think I’ll last until June. With time, these problems could work itself out without my direct intervention. If not, I will tell you exactly what’s on my mind!