April 6th – “You know intuitively that things are going to go your way, even if all visible signs point in the opposite direction.”

Do I know that things are going my way? I don’t feel very sure about my writing project.

The new thing I’m trying to do is to clock in a certain number of hours each week for writing. Ideally it would be 20 hours. It sounds like a lot, but it’s not a crazy number for me. For years, I wrote 20 – 30 hours a week in addition to working a day job. It’s going to take a while to build that habit back up, so I’m not expecting it to happen overnight. It will likely take a few years.

Two weeks ago, I decided to set up a reward system for myself. For every 5 hours I write, I get to do 1 hour of another creative activity (i.e. painting/reading). So far, I’ve only accumulated 1 hour of fun time. I made cat yoga cards from an old calendar I wanted to upcycle:

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I know from experience that there will be many hours “wasted” and I will not have added too many words to the page. My tarot reader also confirmed this and said that I should just sit there. Does that happen to you?

I’d like to believe that all hours I’ve spent writing have been productive. That’s not true at all! There have many days and nights…even weeks when I worked on writing just 1 page. There have also been many times where I’ve written 25 pages in the course of a night. It’s very unpredictable.

It’s funny that how easily how nostalgia can distort reality. In my mind, I only like to remember all the 25 page nights, not the hours that I spent sitting in a coffee shop trying to string up 25 words to make up a sentence.

Are things going my way, even if I only have a few pages to show for it? I’d like to think so!

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