January 31st – “If you’ve been feeling like something’s holding you back, today offers a solution.”

That something that’s holding me back is me. Isn’t that usually the case?

For the last two years, I’ve been caretaker to my two elderly cats. Both have passed away now, so there really isn’t anything holding me back. For the longest time, I felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

When they were gone, I thought that I would have some breathing room to think about myself, but it didn’t really play out that way. The first couple of weeks were strange and difficult because I had invested so much time and energy feeding them, giving them medication, and paying attention to them. I thought that it would be easy to develop a new routine and it proved to be harder than I imagined. It’s taken a little time, but I have finally gotten used to not having them around.

***

My partner sometimes jokes that Tai Chi is the most difficult thing to learn. He said, “You may not know anything even if you practice it for ten years.There are a lot of people who NEVER get it.” He’s been at it for over twenty years and pointed out that, “I am not even close to reaching the limit.” There is still so much for him to learn and until he’s gotten everything he can from it, he’ll probably keep working at it.

That got me thinking about what my limits were. I ran through a list of things in my head that I was working on. As much as I wasn’t very good at these things, I definitely have not reached my limit on any of them. If I keep plugging away at it, I’m positive that I’ll be much better at it a year from now, and possibly even great at it twenty years from now.

I used to think that constantly challenging myself was draining (and it probably was given my circumstances), that it was a burden to have to put so much effort into life. In reality, I should feel lucky that there are so many things that I have not reached my limit at. My world is full of possibilities as long as I’m willing to engage in it.

Yesterday, I received news on one of projects I applied for. I have an interview next week and it will be up to me on how well I do. I can’t determine the outcome, but if I try my best, I’ll know that I didn’t hold myself back.

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